I’ve always considered the idea of a ‘lifepath’ too simple. I don’t think a linear mentality gets to the heart of life’s ups and downs.

For me, a lifepath conjures images of a barren, rocky landscape, only punctuated by a paved pathway surrounded by ditches. Many forks have directional points, while others are marked only by your presence, the winds obscuring the paved road with a blanket of rock sediment. When you stumble into the ditch, it hurts, but usually, you can climb back out. And then you continue down the road, anticipating the next fork.

We tend to think…

Subscription escapism and the calamity of not getting true rest.

Our work culture demands workers jump into the fire. Without a safety net. “Get this, this, and that done, and, oh yeah, that one.” We get home exhausted and drained, unable to make the most of our off time. We build a life for ourselves we can’t appreciate.

Statistics are dismal when it comes to work/life balance. 46% of workers say they are underpaid. Studies show U.S. employees overwork by 269 hours compared to the country’s economic output. There are many reasons, but I want to focus on two intertwined…

Imagine you’ve woken up one day feeling bad. Bad like you’ve never experienced. As if you’re body was drowning. You try to move but find the effort too much. What took you little effort becomes an uphill battle. One you lose. Time and time again, you lose. Coherent words lose themselves in the fog of your mind. Migraines pulse against your skull, threatening to split you open.

Okay, you think, I’ll go to the doctor. Get some help.

But help isn’t what you are likely to get.

Instead, you find yourself dismissed as depressed. Or worse, pining for attention. …

Subscriptions, streaming, and what they mean for your money

I have too many games. Games I haven’t played. Games I didn’t even know I had. But you won’t see many of them if you came to my place. I don’t have a massive collection I can show off on YouTube. I don’t even need any space to put most of them.

Sony takes care of my games for me.

Like most gamers, my game collection transformed from physical to digital. It’s all in the aether. This has turned out great from a clutter-perspective. I don’t have things to organize or dust anymore. It’s all in a databank somewhere deep…

I remember what I felt as I quit my job. My BA laid the groundwork for it after all. I felt empty, depressed, anxious. But more than anything else, I knew it was the right decision.

It was the only decision.

Because working with a chronic illness is a lonely experience. You suffer in silence, fearful of potential discrimination or termination. You set out to check off daily workloads only to get through a few items, half if you’re lucky. Always, you feel a paranoia that your coworkers are judging you. …

Mental health and game creation

The gaming industry is increasingly influential. It’s not hard to see why. Even during a pandemic, 2020 global revenue is expected to increase by 20% to $179.7 billion. Where other entertainment industries are struggling, the gaming industry is thriving.

This points to increasing relevancy over the coming years. And with that relevancy comes industry scrutiny. We are questioning common practices to improve. In the case of crunch culture, that’s not a bad thing.

Crunch, the practice of overtime work over long periods to finish a product, is not unique to gaming. The tech industry universally uses it, and thus something…

CD Projekt Red‘s botched Cyberpunk 2077 release exposes a litany of avoidable failures

There have been few games as hotly anticipated as Cyberpunk 2077. Fewer still that had so many issues post-launch. CD Projekt Red (CDPR) is a household name for gamers. It’s a name with a high pedigree. Within the past five years, the studio has grown from a niche company to an RPG titan. Truly, an underdog who shows the big boys how it's done.

Rebel studio

CD Projekt Red’s growth is astounding. With only a handful of releases to their name, CDPR has accumulated enough market value to be the second most valuable game studio in Europe, behind only Ubisoft. For revenue…

Living with ME/CFS is not a matter of coping. It’s about consistent learning and adaptation. Openness to change. Every day is another experiment for improving life management.

The goal of living with a chronic illness isn’t living in spite of it, it’s living alongside it.

Nothing prepares you for ME/CFS. One day you’re healthy, the next you can’t get out of bed. The obstacle of chronic illness is massive and learning how to thrive with it takes a long time. You don’t learn everything at once; it’s a constant buildup. You build a platform brick by brick on shaky ground…

As if there wasn’t enough to be worried about.

It’s an ongoing tragedy, this pandemic. Of trying to answer questions when we simply don’t know enough. Of mask politicization that has contributed to the death toll. Of strained medical systems and front-line workers. Of a vaccination rollout that has gone from a hopeful end to mounting frustration.

Of families ripped apart by COVID-19.

The long-term effects after contracting COVID-19 is still not understood. But there is growing evidence that it is something else we need to worry about. Recovered and recovering patients are reporting post-viral symptoms such as fatigue, brain…

A man on top of a mountain overlooking a mountain range with arms outstretched.
A man on top of a mountain overlooking a mountain range with arms outstretched.
Photo by Jason Hogan on Unsplash

Ten years. Ten years have passed since I developed a chronic illness. Ten years to feel confident enough to write about it. To speak about it. To put words to describe, even a little, what it's like living with it. Ten years that I needed to get here.

Nobody who goes through traumatic change adapts immediately.

I was 18 when I became ill, right at the tail end of high school. From one day to the next, I became functionally dysfunctional. Bedridden, in constant pain, lost in what felt like tangible brain fog, I was trapped in a nightmare. …

Nathaniel Ansari

Freelance editor and writer. A top writer for gaming here on Medium. Writer at Superjump, The Startup, Curious and more. Contact at https://nathanielansari.com/

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